Father's Day, not for everyone

So Father's day has come and gone again. It wasn't as bad as I thought I was gonna be. For those that don't know the back story, I really don't get along well with my father. Let me state for the record that my father is a good guy. Always did right by his family, didn't lie, cheat, drink, run around. We had some tight years but always had a roof over our heads and food on the table.

There's an pop-culture saying that says "Everything you know is wrong." I had an epiphany a few years ago and it was like that. You grow up thinking that the way your family does things and sees the world is right. I did too. It took me till I was in my 30's that the way they see and deal with the world is backwards from how it actually is. My parents are the nicest people in the world and as such have been taken advantage at every opportunity because they don't want to "make any hassle" for people.

Example: they had the same car insurance for over 30 years and never questioned anything about the policy, they just paid the bill every month. I knew they were getting ripped off for years. When I got my first car at 19 I went to their office and got a quote and it was really high, even for a 19 year old male. I found another place that was a lot cheaper and told them they were getting ripped off. Their answer? "Oh we don't wanna bother anyone." So they continued to get ripped off for another 15 years until I got my current vehicle. My Mom also got hers the same day and I literally BEGGED them to go see my friend who got me a good deal on insurance. They did and were amazed at how much they were gonna save. :facepalm:

Anyway back to my dad. One of his shortcomings is he has a very myopic view of the world. He really lives in his own little world and doesn't see much else. It's been a big bone of contention my whole life. Back when I was in my musician days, he never wanted any part of it. Didn't understand any of it, thought it was stupid and therefore mostly ignored it. Now seeing as it was the most important thing in my life for many years you can see how this would be an issue. He never once came to see me play, never once helped me load up my very heavy bass gear, never helped me help work on my basses, even though he was well versed in all the things that make up guitars like woodworking, electrical, and metalworking.

Another thing like he hated me having long hair. Didn't/couldn't understand why. I remember once him telling me "I never see any other guys with long hair." I said there's millions of them out there, you just don't see them or go to places they are. He didn't go to nightclubs or music stores or watch MTV so in his eyes it was just me.

More of his fun qualities are the never-ending stories. Or I should say story. He's consistently told us the same stories over & over again for years & years. I really don't know if he thinks that he's pushing the point home or he doesn't realize he's doing it, but after the 10,000th time you hear about his boss that did him wrong in 1977 you just can't take it anymore.

I think a lot of the issues come from him really not having a father growing up so he didn't really know how to be one. I've always said that I have a father, I don't have a dad. Didn't have that guy that took you fishing, played ball with you, taught you about life, stuff like that.

Where it really came to a head is when I was well into my 30's and I finally started seeing the world how it really is and not the way he sees it and I did too for many years and I really started doing my own thing. I'm still struggling with it all because I have the baggage of the "old way" conflicting with me trying to be the new me. Probably always will but at least I'm pointed in the right direction.

Nowadays, however I'm pretty conflicted now that he's getting older. Due to circumstances I had to move back in with the parents a few years ago when things didn't work out in LA. It was obvious that he was slipping mentally. He was always pretty sharp but he was having trouble grasping stuff. He's always had hearing problems and that's been an issue in communicating with him but this was different.
Fast forward to a few months ago when he had his knee replaced. He really skipped a notch downward after with the trauma following the surgery and the drugs he was on in the hospital. We did get him tested and he's just in the beginning stages of dementia. Nothing to really be concerned about but it's gonna be downhill from here.

So I'm really torn. Part of me feels bad about his situation and my mom's got her hands full. But part of me is just ehh whatever about it because of all the memories of past. At this point I'm just dealing with it by not dealing with it. Mom tells me how he's doing here & there and the only real times we talk is like Father's Day, birthdays, and holidays. Which is fine with me.